Dating the Military

I had a pretty good father daughter talk today about Josh B. Dad really likes him because he knows he's a good guy from meeting him and that he's in a position to take care of me, although he'll be gone all the time. I dont need to be taken care of. Its why I went to college, to make a career for myself, make my own money and be as independent as possible. Guess it is how I was raised. It must be a dad thing to want someone to be there for me when I'm truly on my own when I graduate. I've always relied on my parents, something that I wish I could say I havent, but I dont regret it because I dont think I had it in me to get where I am today without their support.Y I love josh, but it worries me how everthing works out in the end. Right now I feel like I'm dating the military. He's only 20, a sargeantm, and crew chief/mechanic for blackhawksj. I'm incredibly proud of him and everything he's accomplished in life. He's been on his own since he was 14 due to the death of his brother, and because of this he's so much more mature than I ever was at 20. It never feels like I'm dating someone younger than me. He's very protectived and caring. We do have our little tif's, but I think that's what every relationship goes through when things are still new. I think it's especially stressful on our relationship knowing he deploys EMP in June. He wont even be around for Valentines day before he deploys for some more trainingU. Not that it really changes much. He goes to work at 0600 and usually does not get done until 0100. It's crazy and something I struggle with understanding. He tells me all the time I'll be seeing less and less of him the closer it gets to his deployment because of all the training involved. I hate everything about not seeing him, and some days it gets to me. I guess eventually I will learn from it and be stronger. I have to. I dont have a choice.

Home for the Holidays

Back to the parents. Ick! Actually...its not that bad. I came back bc of an acute respiratory infection. I love being able to diagnose myself. Ottawa's family physicians is a joke. Made an appointment. Got in a half hour after my appointment was supposed to start, took a whole hour total, just for a prescription of amoxycillin. FML. The younger gal doing vitals was horrible. Not very friendly. Practically pulled out the temp probe while checking my temperature bc she wasnt paying attention. Then had me hold my arm up high on the desk next to me to check my BP. (your supposed to keep it at or below heart level). Guess you dont know how bad someone is until you understand what their job entails.

Other than that, first time I've been this sick around josh. Spent all day sunday with him, the worst day of it, and he's just not a very considerate guy at times. Maybe I need to not be so hard on him. Just frustrates me because I know what I would do if the situation was reversed. He never offered to go to the store to get medicine or soup or anything that I needed. Never offered to make me lunch. He usually just gets something for himself. The ony time I get something as well is when I ask for it. Is this normal guy behavior, or is there more considerate guys out there and I'm just putting up with alot. It just felt kind of disappointing I guess to see how he is when I'm feeling my lowest. No care or sympathy with this guy. I'd say he failed this boyfriend test.

Under Pressure

February: boyfriend goes away for some more army training. . . all month
Start looking for a job, figure out where, what state, what town. . my options are endless
May: I graduate. No more class. No more college and all the little things about it that I love.
June: Boyfriend deploys for 15 months. One roommate is gone. Other one I'm stuck with, I dont want to really live with by myself. Its going to be a strange atmosphere without her there (our common friend).
July: Lease to my apartment ends. Where will I be at? Will I still be paying for it but somewhere else??

I'm not sure what I'm going to do, just taking things one day at a time. There is just so much going on in my life. Him leaving is going to hurt like hell. I know I should be stronger, but I'm simply not. I have no self esteem or confidence these days. When he leaves, it will affect me deeply. It will change how I deal with everything else. I dont want to be depressed. Im afraid thats what will happen. Do I run, on a guy who could possibly be the one if it were a different circumstance? I'm young, perhaps nieve. All I know is I have alot to deal with in a short amount of time. I pray things will get better. I need to start going to church, it helps. But I havent found a church that I like in this town. First time blogging, seems more like a confession.