Under Pressure

February: boyfriend goes away for some more army training. . . all month
Start looking for a job, figure out where, what state, what town. . my options are endless
May: I graduate. No more class. No more college and all the little things about it that I love.
June: Boyfriend deploys for 15 months. One roommate is gone. Other one I'm stuck with, I dont want to really live with by myself. Its going to be a strange atmosphere without her there (our common friend).
July: Lease to my apartment ends. Where will I be at? Will I still be paying for it but somewhere else??

I'm not sure what I'm going to do, just taking things one day at a time. There is just so much going on in my life. Him leaving is going to hurt like hell. I know I should be stronger, but I'm simply not. I have no self esteem or confidence these days. When he leaves, it will affect me deeply. It will change how I deal with everything else. I dont want to be depressed. Im afraid thats what will happen. Do I run, on a guy who could possibly be the one if it were a different circumstance? I'm young, perhaps nieve. All I know is I have alot to deal with in a short amount of time. I pray things will get better. I need to start going to church, it helps. But I havent found a church that I like in this town. First time blogging, seems more like a confession.